Having “The Talk” With a Loved One About Dementia

When an individual is in the earlier stages of dementia, the symptoms can be easy for family members to push aside. After all, they’re getting older and more forgetful. That happens to all of us, right? Yet, at some point, real concern may begin to creep in. “How could mom forget the name of her primary doctor?” or “Why did dad leave the water in the sink running?”

Those concerns should not be ignored.

Because there is a difference between occasionally forgetting a name or misplacing your keys and behaviors that signal the onset of dementia. And, while we may want to pass forgetfulness off as normal aging, in many cases we intuitively sense that it may be something more.

That early sense that something may be wrong is when it is time to have a talk with your loved one.

It isn’t easy. No one wants to be in the position of telling a loved one, especially a parent, that they are showing signs of dementia. And yet encouraging them to test for a potential early diagnosis has many benefits. So the time is now to have “the talk”.

The Alzheimer’s Association has tips as to when and how to broach this sensitive topic and communicate effectively with your loved one. Here are five we’ve summarized below to help make “the talk” easier:

1. Decide “who”. That may be you, a family member, or a trusted friend. The best approach is usually one-on-one so that the loved one doesn’t feel outnumbered and threatened.
2. Decide “when”. While it is important to have the conversation as soon as possible, pick a time when your loved one is more relaxed. Make sure you have time as you don’t want to be rushed.
3. What to say, what not to say. Here are some suggestions:
   
   
   1. “I’ve noticed [a change] in you, and I’m concerned. Have you noticed it? Are you worried?”
   1. “How have you been feeling lately? You haven’t seemed like yourself.”
   1. “I noticed you [give a specific example] and it worried me. Has anything else like that happened?”
4. Encourage them to set a doctors appointment. Here are some suggestions:
   1. “There are lots of things that could be causing this, and dementia may or may not be one of them. Let’s see if the doctor can help us figure out what’s going on.”
   1. “The sooner we know what’s causing these problems, the sooner we can address it.”
   1. “I think it would give us both peace of mind if we talked with a doctor.”
5. Be patient. Don’t expect full agreement and cooperation in one discussion. The first conversation may not be successful. Write down some notes about the experience to help plan for the next conversation. Notes might include:
   1. What worked well?
   1. What didn’t work?
   1. What resulted?
   1. What can be done differently next time?

Those of us who have been through this sensitive discussion know that it is never easy. We also know, however, how important that discussion is to the health and wellbeing of a loved one in the early stages of dementia.

Do you have more questions or concerns? Feel free to contact any of our Anthem Memory Care communities. We’ll be happy to answer your questions and share our own experiences and resources with you. We’re always here to help.