Navigating Relationship Changes in Dementia: Tips for Staying Connected  

When a loved one is diagnosed with dementia, it is the beginning of a journey full of changes – physical, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral. Much has been written about these changes and how they relate to the stages of dementia, as well as how to help a loved one adjust and continue to live a purposeful life. 

These are all important aspects of navigating dementia that families need to understand to properly care for their loved one. However, not as often addressed are the relationship changes that occur between a loved one with dementia and those they have known and loved all their lives. And, for so many families, those relationship changes can be devastating.

Here are a few of them:

• Caregiver role change. When a parent develops dementia, the adult children are thrust into an unfamiliar role, having to make decisions and do things for a parent that they used to handle themselves. This role reversal can also apply to spousal relationships. Now the husband or wife must take over certain responsibilities and chores.
• Spousal/partner intimacy. Dementia can gradually alter the emotional and physical closeness between partners. As memory loss progresses, a person with dementia may struggle with recognizing their spouse or remembering their shared history. This loss of identity—both personal and within the relationship—can be deeply painful.
• Friends and families. The easy conversations, shared jokes, and fond reminiscing that once came naturally may become difficult as dementia progresses. Individuals may feel confused or agitated around lifelong friends and family members, causing some to withdraw. This can be painful for everyone involved, making it essential to find new ways to engage and maintain relationships.These relationship changes can feel overwhelming. There are things you and your family can do, however, to maintain a connection with your loved one. Here are five tips to help:
• Recognize the level of the challenges you are facing. Often, as family caregivers gradually take on more responsibilities, their own feelings get brushed aside. This is one of the most challenging journeys you will take. Recognizing it as such will help you understand the grief you are experiencing and help alleviate feelings of guilt or inadequacy. You are doing your best. That is more than enough.
• Capture Memories While You Can. This is most effective while they are in the earlier stages of dementia. You can do this in the form of a journal or voice or video recordings. Talk with them about their relationship with you as well as your family and friends. Encourage them to share special memories. Revisiting these recorded thoughts regularly will reinforce their love for you and your family and bring comfort as the disease progresses.
• Get together with family regularly. This can be challenging if they are not nearby. However, even a regularly scheduled video call can help everyone to stay in the loop and remain connected to each other and your loved one. If they live close by, make sure they visit often. That way you are all experiencing these relationship changes together and can provide better support to one another.
• Rekindle intimacy with the power of touch. Partners can rekindle the love relationship in subtle ways that are comfortable for both of you. Always pick a time when you are both relaxed. You might start with a loving hand on the shoulder and holding their hands. A neck or back rub is soothing and can help them connect with you in a more intimate way. Intimacy can be redefined in new ways, through small gestures of affection, physical touch, and shared moments of comfort. While the nature of the relationship changes, the bond can still remain strong in different ways.
• Join a support group. All family members should consider participating. These groups are led by licensed professionals and include others who are experiencing similar challenges. Sharing your thoughts and issues and helping them with theirs is one of the strongest forms of therapy.

Education is important to fully understand the disease and how it affects everyone.

At our Anthem Memory Care communities, we understand the challenges of this journey.  Our communities offer support groups, and we have an abundance of resources to help you and your family navigate these changes together. We encourage you to reach out to us with your questions and concerns. You are not alone—we’re here to help.