Tips for Dining Out with a Loved One with Dementia

The holidays bring plenty of opportunities for lunches and dinners with friends and family. Restaurants are decorated and everyone is in a festive mood with high spirits. It is a special time to reconnect and catch up while enjoying a meal together.

It’s only natural that families would want to have a loved one with dementia be part of these get togethers. They may recollect dinners out at their favorite restaurants in years past and want to continue family traditions. But there can be real concerns as to how their loved one will react to the noise and traffic of servers moving from table to table and raised voices from other diners.

If you are facing these concerns, it’s understandable. Know that you are not alone. However, by doing some homework and with a little planning, your loved one may be able to join in the fun of a family lunch or dinner.

Here are eight tips to optimize a dining out experience for everyone:

1. Prepare those who will be joining you. Much of this will depend on the stage of dementia your loved one is experiencing. Be sure to encourage everyone to interact at a slower pace and communicate clearly. This will be less stressful for your loved one and keep everyone more relaxed.
2. Research “dementia friendly” restaurants in your area. We are seeing more of them spring up as proprietors become more sensitive to the special needs and circumstances of many families in their communities.
3. Or, opt for your loved one’s favorite restaurant. While it may not be as elegant as some family members might wish, the familiar environment will be more relaxing for your loved one.
4. Timing can make a big difference. Try to avoid the lunch or dinner crunch. With it come crowds and added noise. Planning your meal during a restaurant’s less busy hours may result in faster service and a quieter atmosphere which is less stressful for everyone.
5. Location, location, location. An advance reservation may allow you to select a table that is out of the main ebb and flow of foot traffic.If it’s close to the bathrooms better yet. Consider an outdoor table if the weather permits. Make sure your table is under an umbrella to control sun exposure.  
6. Arrive with your loved one separately. Being in a crowded car can raise anxiety levels for everyone. Plus, if you need to leave for any reason, the rest of the family can remain.
7. Take your time. Once seated, take a deep breath and encourage everyone to relax and enjoy the moment. Read the menu items to your loved one slowly if they aren’t able to themselves. Keep the conversation light and easy.
8. Be watchful. Check in every few minutes with your loved one. Ask if they are okay and enjoying themselves. Be prepared to leave if you observe heightened anxiety or if they become agitated or confused.

But before you start making reservations …

Often, in an eagerness to be inclusive, families may neglect to ask their loved one in advance how they feel about having a meal in a restaurant. Before you go to the trouble of planning your dining experience make sure they truly want to participate.

For instance, an older parent may be just as happy staying at home, preferring the peace and quiet of a smaller gathering at their home or in their senior living community. Don’t force them out of their routine if they clearly aren’t up to it. Instead, set a date when you can arrange for the family to visit them and dine together.

For those who are up for it, however, follow the above guidelines. It will give your loved one a precious opportunity to get out and socialize, something that is so important for those challenged by dementia. It may even lead to more meals out in the future, giving them (and your family) something to look forward to.

We love it when family members come to dine with residents at our Anthem Memory Care communities. We are proud of our culinary staff and the delicious meals they prepare. We welcome you to reach out to us or drop in to any of our communities for a visit and to enjoy a meal on us.

In the meantime, happy holidays. And bon appétit!