Summer is officially here! That means warmer weather, longer days and, for most of us, enjoyable family gatherings, picnics, barbecues and vacations. If you have a parent with dementia, you may have a tendency to exclude them from many of your festivities. It’s a natural reaction, as you are concerned about their well being and want to avoid any unnecessary anxiety or safety risks.
While safety and health are important, you may be able to enjoy more time together with mom or dad than you think you can. By planning in advance and taking time to prepare them, they can participate in outings and family gatherings.
Here are some tips and ideas to help make it easier to include mom or dad in more of your summer activities.
Keep them cool and comfortable:
Plan enjoyable activities and prepare in advance.
Summer can be a fun, relaxing time for family, friends and, yes, also for your loved one with dementia. Try to include mom or dad whenever possible. By taking some precautions and making some adjustments, they, too, can continue to enjoy these lovely summer days.
This is an unsettling question to have to answer. As we watch our parents age, it’s tempting to dismiss his or her increasing forgetfulness as part of “getting old”. Yet, inside, the questioning continues to gnaw away. “Is it just age-related, or are these early signs of a dementia, such as Alzheimer’s?”
To help answer that unsettling question, the Alzheimer’s Association has published a list of the 10 warning signs of Alzheimer’s disease. Here is a summary of the warning signs. You will want to read the full descriptions from the Alzheimer’s Association, which you can access here.
If you notice any of the above warning signs, your next step would be to contact your loved one’s doctor for an assessment. It may or may not be dementia. However, the earlier the diagnosis is made, the better. While there is no cure yet, there are medications available that can slow the progression of the disease.
It is important to know that, should your loved one be diagnosed with dementia, there are resources and support groups available to help. Don’t give up. You are not alone!
Those with loved ones who have Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia often tell us about their frustration when a mom or dad seems to suddenly become agitated for no apparent reason. And, while there is always a reason, it is often not readily apparent to those around them.
At Anthem Memory Care communities, we understand how a sudden onset of anxiety can unnerve caregivers, leaving them wondering “What happened? What did I do?”
First of all, realize that you may not have done anything at all to bring on your mom or dad’s anxiety. Often environmental stimuli that healthy brains quickly process and move beyond can be overwhelming to someone with dementia. As the brain loses key processing capabilities, a situation or even a sound, smell or visual stimuli seem threatening. Changes in their environment, such as a recent move or change in caregiver can create a constant state of underlying anxiety, which certain triggers can quickly bring to the surface.
Here are some tips we have used and that are also recommended by the Alzheimer’s Association to help calm that sudden storm of anxiety from a loved one with dementia:
Of course it is so important to seek support from both family, close friends and local dementia support groups. They provide a valuable outlet for families to share their concerns with others in similar situations. Anthem Memory Care communities have monthly support groups, conducted by experienced professionals.
Resist the temptation to blame yourself, your loved one, or others around you for these anxiety surges. Focus on reassuring your loved one (and yourself) that this episode will pass and that you will see it through together.
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Isn’t it invigorating to take a walk outdoors and feel the sun on your shoulders and a gentle breeze on your face? When you come back indoors, don’t you feel more refreshed and energized? That’s because there is a heightened alertness that comes with activating all your senses through nature. This feeling of wellbeing can also be experienced by your loved one with dementia. And it can make a positive difference in their day-to-day quality of life.
Time spent outdoors on a nice day can reduce anxiety and the sense of isolation.
Numerous studies conducted over the last twenty years all point to the advantages of fresh air, sunlight and natural settings for those struggling with dementia. It may seem like common knowledge, but the advantages are very real. A few key benefits include:
Having convenient access to the outdoors is so important for your loved one with dementia.
At Anthem Memory Care, our communities are designed to provide unlimited opportunities for our residents to explore the outdoors. Our outdoor areas have been strategically placed centrally, where residents can feel free to walk indoors and out without the fear of becoming lost or walking beyond safe boundaries. The families of our residents often remark on what a difference this makes to their health and sense of connectedness to those around them.
Without doubt, spending time outdoors on a beautiful day benefits all of us. Even if your mom or dad has never been known as an “outdoor person”, this is a time in their lives when walking or sitting in a garden setting can really make a difference. Try to find opportunities to take your loved one outdoors regularly. Find a safe place in the backyard for them to sit and enjoy the natural setting. And join them! The change in environment and gentle stimulation of the senses will lift both of your spirits.
Captain Rob Firmes of the Murrieta, California Police Department, now has a much better understanding of the challenges experienced by his grandmother who struggles with dementia.
On May 16th, Captain Firmes along with two other officers, took Vineyard Place Memory Care up on their offer to help them experience, first hand, a taste of what it’s like to be challenged by dementia. Captain Firmes’ grandmother is a resident at Vineyard Place, and he wanted to gain a deeper appreciation of what she goes through every day.
While nothing can come close to replicating the devastation of living with dementia, Vineyard Memory Care did its best to try by providing a pretty challenging environment for the police officers. On hand to help was Jodi Cornman, Community Relations Director for Highline Place Memory Care in Littleton, Colorado. Both Highline Place and Vineyard Place are Anthem Memory Care communities. The event was also covered by the Press-Enterprise as well as local KABC/Channel 7.
To give officers a taste of what memory care residents experience every day, each was given heavy gloves to wear to impair hand movement. They were also given special glasses that blurred their vision. Spikey inserts in their shoes emulated the foot pain of peripheral neuropathy and ear phones with a loud cacophony of sounds made it difficult to hear and understand verbal communication.
Once they were outfitted with their various devices, the officers were given instructions to conduct a variety of tasks including counting out change, setting a table and folding laundry. Needless to say, the experience was eye opening for the officers. When Officer Firmes was asked by a reporter for the Press-Enterprise how it felt, he responded “It’s disorienting. Big time!”
These virtual reality sessions are conducted Anthem Memory Care communities to give those who work with individuals with dementia, as well as families of residents, a better understanding of the challenges associated with doing things we all take for granted. They have proven to be very effective in developing a stronger appreciation for the impairments that come with this devastating disease. Along with that appreciation comes an added degree of patience and understanding, both of which are so important to the support and care of our loved ones with dementia.
Photo Credit: Frank Bellino, contributing photographer for the Press-Enterprise. (Image has been cropped to fit.)
Were you able to visit your mom on Mother’s Day? How did it go? Did you walk away feeling good about the visit? Or did you walk away feeling worried? If your mom is struggling with dementia, visits can be anxiety producing, especially if you live out of town and are not able to visit as frequently as you’d like.
If this is your situation, you need to make the most of each visit, not only to share valuable time together, but also to keep tabs on your mom’s overall health as well as the level of her cognitive decline. And, equally important is to take time right after each visit to jot down notes about your observations, while they are still fresh in your mind.
Here are some things to look for, observe and take note of when you visit mom:
Demeanor:
Personal appearance:
Home/apartment appearance:
As important as your answers to the above questions are, what your gut tells you may be the most accurate assessment of all. If you had that feeling that “mom isn’t doing too well” after you left, it’s time to take some steps towards ensuring her safety and getting her the level and type of help she needs.
First, share your notes and observations with your family members. Make sure that you have a Power of Attorney to enable you to make decisions on your mom’s behalf. This is also a good time to begin looking into care options and decide whether it makes more sense to hire a caregiver for at home care or transition her to a local memory care community.
Above all, however, it’s important to understand that her living conditions will not improve as long as she continues to attempt to care for herself at home. Dementia, after all, is not a disease that goes into remission. By taking steps now, however, you will not only be doing right by your mom, but you will have far less worry and greater peace of mind.
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When young people come together with seniors, great things happen. For six months, starting in December of 2017, students from Denver’s Martin Luther King Jr. Early College visited regularly with the residents of Chelsea Place Memory Care in Aurora, Colorado. What did they do? Perhaps a better question would be, what didn’t they do? The students joined with residents to participate in painting classes, drumming circles and lots of other fun activities that encouraged interaction and brought lots of smiles. The students even made short videos, in which they interviewed the residents as they shared bits and pieces of their life stories!
This program was the result of a partnership between Chelsea Memory Care and Denver-based Bessie’s Hope, an organization that seeks to enhance the quality of life for long-term care residents by bringing generations together. Bessie’s hope has helped foster many positive experiences for both seniors and children throughout the greater Denver area. Chelsea Place is no exception.
Why do Anthem Memory Care communities, such as Chelsea Place, encourage inter-generational activities? In addition to being fun for everyone, the process of engaging with younger people is known to be beneficial for those challenged by dementia. An article in verywell.com, written by Esther Heerema, MSW, cites research studies that point to the positive impact of inter-generational activities.
For instance, they have found that when adults with dementia have opportunities to teach simple tasks to children (such as dusting, folding towels, etc.) it provides them with a heightened sense of purpose. This “sense of purpose” is key to keeping them more connected, in positive ways, to those around them. Research also shows that there are fewer behavioral issues experienced by individuals with dementia when they interact regularly with younger adults and children.
If you are caring for someone with dementia, try to seek opportunities to bring them together with young people. Make sure you keep the visits brief and that you monitor your loved one for signs that he or she is tiring and adjust accordingly. You may be surprised at how positive the reaction from both parties can be. Establishing a habit of regular visits in a calm, nurturing environment can bring long-lasting benefits.
Chances are, at some point in your life, you’ve fallen for a scam of some sort, leaving you thinking “I know I shouldn’t have given out my ID and password,” or something similar. Older individuals, especially those challenged by dementia, are even more vulnerable. That’s why safeguarding your parent with dementia from scams is so important.
Here are the current top three scams targeting older adults, identified by the Fraud Hotline U.S. Special Committee on Aging:
Of course, these are not the only scams; new ones emerge almost every day. That’s why it’s a good idea to pre-program your parent’s phone to identify legitimate incoming callers. You can instruct them not to answer any call from a party they don’t recognize.
Every year scam criminals extort millions of dollars from unsuspecting seniors. By being proactive and informed, you can help keep your loved one (and yourself!) from becoming one of them.
Source for data cited in this blog: NextAvenue/What to Do if Your Parent Gets Scammed, written by Richard Eisenberg
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For most of us, going out to lunch with a friend or family member is a relaxing, enjoyable event. Instead of cooking and fussing over table settings, you are waited on in a pleasant environment. You take your time with the menu selections while you spend time “catching up” with each other. Perhaps you used to enjoy doing this with your mom or dad, back before he or she began to show symptoms of dementia. Yet, with the transition to caregiver, you may have become more hesitant to keep up the tradition, not knowing if your parent might become anxious or even act out in an inappropriate way. So you continue to opt not to take the risk.
It’s understandable. After a diagnosis of a dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease, it can become more challenging to take a loved one out in public places, especially to restaurants where the slightest issue can become magnified in a new setting with strangers around.
With a little foresight and preparation, however, you may be able to get your lunch date back on track. Here are some tips that are known to have helped others:
By following the above guidelines, you can give your loved one an opportunity to get out and socialize with others, something that is so important for those challenged by dementia. Keeping your outings short and pleasant will encourage more of them, along with an opportunity to keep your loved one more connected to you and to the world around them.
As you know, caring for a mom or dad with dementia is a challenging journey with many twists and turns. There are days when you may feel you are not doing as much as you think you should. And, there are probably moments when you wish you had found out more about a certain medication or other issue before you left the doctor’s office.
Having a doctor who is a true partner and whom you trust, can be an immense help on that challenging journey. Doctors, however, have other patients to serve as well. You are but one of many, so you need to make the most of the time you have.
Here are some key questions to ask during doctor visits with your mom or dad. Often, in a rush to get through the appointment, they can slip through the cracks:
Above all, be prepared. Make sure you jot down your questions and concerns in advance. This will save time and give you more quality time with the doctor to get the questions answered completely. Listen carefully and take notes. You may even want to take a small recorder with you and ask if you can record his or her responses. These visits can be stressful. Having a recording of what was said can be a lifesaver later on, should you forget something or not understand your own notes! Furthermore, you can share the recording with another family member who needs to know as well.
The better prepared you are, the calmer you will be during these visits. The truth is, that if you treat your loved one’s doctor as a trusted partner, he or she will be more responsive and take more time with you. This will make a big difference in your relationship with your doctor and help you feel better able to care for your loved one.
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If you are the son or daughter of a loved one with Alzheimer’s, chances are you’ve already accumulated a good amount of information about the disease; what it is, who it affects, how is it contracted, and so on. And, given the abundance of studies (some more reputable than others), you may have also read stories of potential miracle “cures” for the disease.
It is important to be able to separate truth from myth, especially as you embark on this challenging journey with your loved one. Well-meaning relatives and friends may be quick to offer various opinions and interpretations about something they recently read or heard about causes and cures for Alzheimer’s. That is why it is important to identify established resources you can trust. The Alzheimer’s Association has published many articles on Alzheimer’s and topics related to the disease.
Here are 4 common misconceptions, taken from Alz.org as well as other trusted sources, that are important to understand and share with those around you.
As you conduct your own research to better educate yourself about Alzheimer’s and understand its many challenges, make it a point to check in regularly with reliable, trusted sources, such as the Alzheimer’s Association.
We are here to help too! Our team at Anthem Memory Care keeps on top of the latest advancements in the fight to end Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. We are happy to share our information and resources with you.
Numerous studies have been conducted on what is known as “compassion fatigue”. Most relate to caregivers in skilled nursing and assisted living environments. But studies have also found that when compassion fatigue is experienced by adult children caring for parents with dementia, it can have an even greater emotional impact.
Compassion fatigue is not quite the same as “caregiver burnout”.
What is compassion fatigue, and how does it differ from general “caregiver burnout”?
Author, Carol Bradley Bursack, wrote a thoughtful article in AgingCare.com about the unique challenges associated with compassion fatigue. She distinguishes it from caregiver burnout as follows. “Unlike caregiver burnout, compassion fatigue is considered a secondary traumatic stress (STS) disorder that results from exposure to another person’s traumatic experience(s) and creates high levels of emotional stress.” So, your continual exposure to your loved one’s trauma can lead to your own feelings of despair, angry emotional outbursts, and not wanting to be around your loved one.
Thankfully, there are things you can do to better cope and maintain your emotional health. Carol Bursack’s article references experts who have worked with caregivers and who recommend two key actions. They may seem simple but, together they are very powerful.
Having Compassion Fatigue does not mean you no longer care!
At Anthem Memory Care communities, we understand the toll that compassion fatigue can take. That’s why we are ever mindful and attentive to the needs of our caregivers. Recognizing signs of fatigue is so important to help support the emotional and physical well being of those we entrust to care for our residents.
For those of you lovingly tending to the needs of your mom or dad with dementia, we offer you this additional advice. Find a good dementia support group conducted by a licensed professional. They will help you better understand your feelings and how to acquire better coping mechanisms and life adjustments to keep your balance. Reach out to family and close friends who have offered to help in the past. Remember, you need more “down time” than you may think.
Above all, recognize that compassion fatigue does not mean you have lost your ability to care. It does mean, however, that you need to seek resources and support to keep that spark of compassion alive and healthy within you.
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When someone you love has been diagnosed with dementia, both your worlds are changed forever. For one thing, your verbal interchanges are impacted as their memory falters, along with the ability to remember simple words and phrases. This is also true for activities they used to take for granted. Seemingly simple things they would do and enjoy may no longer be possible. At least not in the same form they were used to.
How can you stay attuned as your loved one’s abilities change and help pave the road ahead to adjust old activities and find new activities that are easier for them to accomplish? Here are some things you can do to help:
Don’t give up. This is a process and you will make your share of mistakes. Watch your loved one closely for signs of anxiety or fatigue. Don’t insist on doing something just because it makes sense to you. If he or she is not enjoying it, let them rest and try out something new. The Alzheimer’s Association has an active online community with lots of great activities for those with dementia, which you can access here.
By taking the time to adjust old favorite activities and identify new ones, you will find yourself replacing “Mom, you can’t do that anymore,” with more reassuring words, like “Let’s try it this way, mom.” Making adjustments, identifying new activities, and changing your approach will make both your loved one and your own experiences together calmer, more satisfying and much more enjoyable.
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When memory care residents and high school students are brought together, the positive impact is almost always far greater than either group anticipates!
That is why inter-generational gatherings and events are a regular occurrence at Chelsea Place Memory Care in Aurora, Colorado. They provide frequent socialization for the residents, who enjoy meeting and interacting with young people. Most recently, Chelsea Memory Care held a Valentine’s dance, inviting high school seniors from local Regis Jesuit High School to help plan and attend the event.
Age barriers quickly came down, as students and residents got to know each other.
As is often the case with young people who have little experience with seniors, some of the students were nervous and a bit wary of the project. A few did not have grandparents or older family members and, therefore, had never had any meaningful interactions to guide them. As it turned out, however, they didn’t need them. The excitement of planning the event pushed aside any barriers as young and old joined together to put on a fun and relaxing event.
As with other events at Chelsea Memory Care, local news outlets heard of the upcoming Valentine’s dance and joined in the festivities, bringing along camera crews and reporters from local news channel, KCNC, The Denver Post and The Aurora Sentinel.
For one student it was a “connection of souls”.
One interview, with 18-year old, Kali Soudani, conducted by The Aurora Sentinel, brought forth a particularly poignant response. “There was a sense of anticipation and fear for me. I don’t have any grandparents, so I hadn’t really worked with elderly people before,” she said. “But I have learned that it’s not about age, it’s about our souls connecting, which I know kind of sounds cliché. When you meet with these people and they tell you their life stories, you realize this is probably the last generation you get to hear these things from.”
Brining generations together has a positive effect on the residents and the young people.
Jenni Dill, Life Engagement Counselor for Chelsea Place, witnesses these joyful moments often. That’s why Chelsea Place, as well as all the other Anthem Memory Care communities, work to bring those from the greater community in to meet and engage with their residents on a regular basis.
As Jenni Dill told the Aurora Sentinel reporter, “Intergenerational experiences are so important, not just for our residents, but for the kids as well. It gives them the opportunity to impart the wisdom they’ve gained to the next generation.”
As you can imagine, the dance itself was a resounding success. And for those, like Kali Soudani, it was also a life changer.
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Caring for a parent with dementia may be one of the greatest challenges you will ever face. Because, in addition to the devastating impact on your parent, it takes its toll on so many aspects of your life; your physical and emotional health, your job, your sense of freedom, your friends and your family. But, most importantly, it can shake the very foundation of the relationship you have probably grown to take for granted; your marriage.
Here are four ways to help keep that key relationship as stable and healthy as possible during the many challenges that come with caring for a loved one with dementia.
Remember that keeping the lines of communication open between you and your spouse is so important, especially during the tough days. Be sure to take time, whenever you can, to slow down the pace of your life enough to really listen to your partner’s concerns, suggestions and thoughts. You both need each other now, more than ever. Your ongoing investment in your relationship, even if less than perfect, will help sustain both of you during this challenging journey.
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