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Anne Ellett, M.S.N., N.P., is worth listening to. She is a respected dementia care expert and the founder of memorysupport.com, a great resource for all things relating to dementia. She also participated on a panel of dementia experts following a preview of the film, “Alive Inside” in Denver, CO, hosted by Anthem Memory Care in the fall of 2015. And she’s on a mission to educate as many people as possible about dementia – what it is, what it isn’t, and how the nature of care is changing (thankfully).

We were so impressed with Anne’s recent newsletter entitled “Dementia Care Isn’t What it Used to Be…And That’s a Good Thing Part I” that we thought we’d share some of its key touchpoints.

Anne has identified six prime factors that are working together to fuel positive change in dementia care. Here they are in a nutshell, along with our comments.

  1. Everyone knows someone with dementia. Thanks to bringing dementia out of the shadows and into the light where we can learn more about it. More media coverage and more discussion has helped eliminate old stereotypes as well.
  2. Medical science is making it possible to diagnose dementia in the very early stages.  And, hopefully, earlier and earlier!
  3. People who are affected by dementia want to be involved in decisions and influencing policies.  No more “hands off” policy, leaving all decisions to the doctors. As Anne puts it "Nothing about me without me".
  4. Emphasis is on living with dementia. This is a chronic condition that can be lived with, as long as we focus on what one can do, rather than what one can no longer do. It’s a simple, yet powerful shift in mindset.
  5. It's becoming unacceptable to isolate people with dementia. And it’s about time. Fortunately, we are evolving to understand the value of integrating individuals with dementia within the greater population. And it’s working.
  6. The customer/consumer (the person affected by dementia and their family members) are becoming more knowledgeable and sophisticated.  Thank goodness! We are no longer accepting the old status quo, pushing for more interactive, person-centered care and therapy.

We’d like to add one more: dementia support groups. They are making a huge difference in improving the emotional health and wellbeing of caregivers. Many memory care communities (we’re one of them) offer free support groups. They are a great way for carers to share stories and support with others who are in similar situations.

All of the above spells good news for those individuals struggling with dementia, and for their loved ones. You can read Anne Ellett’s full newsletter article, complete with details and examples, here.

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Have you ever felt the frustration when your mom or dad forgets meeting a person or a recent event? How often have you said, “You know her, Mom. You met her last week at lunch.” Or “You remember, we went there last week.”

Phrases like “You remember” and “You know” no longer have relevance to those with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia. So they have to go. But learning not to use them is one of the biggest challenges of communicating with a memory impaired loved one.

We understand that challenge at our Anthem Memory Care communities, because we work with families of individuals with memory loss every day. Based on our experiences, as well as recommendations from the Alzheimer’s Association, here are our top 5 “rules of engagement” for communicating with memory impaired loved ones:

  1. Clear your conversation path of unnecessary distractions. Noisy backgrounds and interruptions can distract both of you. When possible, choose a quiet environment for your conversations.
  2. Listen. A difficult thing for all of us, but nowhere is it more needed than with individuals with memory impairment. Resist the temptation to jump in with a comment, even if it’s a word of encouragement. Give them time and space to get their entire thought across.
  3. Speak clearly and slowly without “talking down” to them. If you position yourself near your loved one and speak clearly and slowly, they will have more time to process what you are saying. But talking slowly doesn’t mean using “baby talk”. Keep the conversation on an adult level.
  4. Use memory cues. Looking at photos or reading a letter from an old friend can help jog memories. Remember, though, not to become agitated if they don’t remember a photo. This is not a memory test. Move on calmly to something else. Looking at old photos together can be therapeutic for you as well. Remembering your loved as he or she was in better times, is soothing and reassuring that the person in front of you has a vibrant, loving connection to you.
  5. Do not correct or contradict. Stop quizzing them! This is perhaps the most important of all communications rules. You don’t have to agree with everything they say, but by refraining from correcting them, you keep the conversation in a steadier stream. Sometimes he or she will remember on their own and correct themselves. You’ll miss that moment if you attempt to do it for them.

Above all don’t try to go it alone. Learning something new is never easy, especially in an emotionally-charged situation. Make sure that you are getting the support of professionals and other caregivers who have been there and can help you get through those difficult times in a caring and loving way.

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Socialization is important for all of us. But for those experiencing a form of dementia, such as Alzheimer’s, it takes on an even more critical role.

What do we mean by socialization?

Put within the context of an individual experiencing a dementia, socialization provides a controlled, yet varied climate of both human and environmental interaction. Some are intended to spark the senses, such as experiencing a new location, or smelling fresh flowers in a garden. Others may involve exposure to new faces in the form of other adults, younger people, or even animals. All are important to provide memory impaired individuals with a sense of connectedness.

As the Alzheimer’s Association on Alz.org points out: “Socialization proves to enhance the lives of those with Alzheimer’s disease or related dementia and their care partners. We’ve known for some time that being social is an essential part of one’s brain health with healthy diet and exercise.”

How can socialization help your loved one?

Here are 4 key reasons that experts encourage consistent socialization for individuals with dementia:  

  1. Gain a greater sense of inclusiveness and belonging: The process of interacting with others, even when passive, can stimulate a sense of personal worth; a feeling of belonging, rather than isolation.
  2. Improve brain health: We won’t get into all the science here, but studies show that those people with a broader network of social experience in earlier stages of Alzheimer’s are able to slow down the progression of memory loss more so than those whose network is very small.
  3. Strengthen the connection to time and place: Socialization provides a sense of normal structure and order to the life of an individual with memory loss. It helps stimulates that part of the brain that connects us to time and place, rather than experiencing a disconnected continuum with no start and end points.
  4. Enhance and maintain focus: Older individuals have more difficulty transitioning between daydreaming and focused states of mind. So the more time the aging brain spends mentally active and socially engaged, the easier that transition becomes, which helps them perform the daily tasks necessary for independent living.

Of course sudden or sporadic exposure to new sites and people can feel threatening to the individual. So having structure and routine are important. Socialization should always occur in a safe and nurturing environment, ideally with people who can quickly pick up on subtle cues that tell them to pull back or encourage more interaction.

Socialization, when provided in a safe, structured manner, can make a positive difference in the quality of life for those people impaired by dementia. Making sure that your loved one is receiving a steady, yet fresh exposure to opportunities for socialization is important to keep them as healthy and connected as possible. Do this consistently, and you will notice the difference.

Many caregivers with parents who struggle with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia have asked us about respite care.

Respite care is an arrangement you can make to have a loved one stay in a senior living community for a couple weeks or more. It gives you, the caregiver, a badly needed break to relax and re-charge or to take care of other business. And it can be beneficial for your loved one as well. Studies show that changes of scenery, people, sights and sounds help stimulate memory, and are good for physical health as well.  

Respite is an important part of caregiving.  So if you have never used respite care, here are some things you need to know:

  1. It gives you a necessary break. Not just a few hours, or a day. Studies show how caregiver burnout can lead to unhealthy levels of anxiety and depression. Both can have a negative and, in some cases, dangerous impact on the relationship between the caregiver and his or her loved one.
  2. It gives your loved one a break too. One of the recommendations from the Alzheimer’s Association is to provide as many opportunities for socialization and variety as possible for memory impaired individuals. A change of location brings with it new people, sites, smells and experiences.
  3. It gives you and your loved one a taste of what community living is like. If and when it becomes time to move your mom or dad into a memory care community, having used respite care helps remove that “fear of the unknown”, making the transition easier for everyone.
  4. It costs about the same nightly fee as a hotel room. At Anthem Memory Care, the average cost of a two-week respite stay is about $198 per day, the cost of an average hotel room. That includes all the amenities our permanent residents enjoy, along with special events and activities. All, of course, overseen by a professional, loving team of dedicated carers.
  5. Not all respite care is the same. Some may “talk the talk”, but not all communities deliver upon their promises. In truth, your loved one may not be getting the level of personal focus and care they need and deserve. After all, they are supposed to be on vacation as well! Make it a point to visit a few care communities before you decide upon one. Ask questions. Dig into the details. You need the assurance that your loved one is in expert and loving hands.

When respite works well, it leaves everyone feeling more rested and revitalized.

Many of our respite families are surprised at how much better their connections are with their loved one after a few weeks of respite. But it makes sense when you think about it. Don’t you feel refreshed after a few weeks away from the office, or day-to-day housework? Isn’t it rejuvenating to get away from those same four walls that keep you locked in old habits and routines? And, when you return, doesn’t everything seem just a little bit brighter?

That’s what respite can and should do for you and for your loved one.

For more information about Anthem Memory Care respite “vacation care” programs, please fill out a contact form via the “CONTACT US” button on our website home page.

When you move a loved one into a memory care community, you worry about all kinds of things. And, perhaps, most of all, you worry about the people into whose hands you are entrusting the care of your loved one. Who are they? Are they passionate about what they do? Will they be patient and caring with my loved one?

At Anthem Memory Care, the answer is a resounding “Yes!” And the confidence in that “Yes” comes out of our person-centered approach to take care, not only of our residents, but of the amazing people who care for them.

At Anthem, our staff is just as much a part of our family as our residents. And family members look out for each other. Our Wellness Programs were developed to keep our carers healthy in mind, body and spirit. As Jackie Vick, Anthem’s Human Resources Generalist explains, “We bring together all our people in a combination of activities, events and classes that help them, not only as Anthem carers, but in their personal lives as well. The programs were designed with input from all staff members to make sure that they hit the mark on what’s most important to them.”

Each season has a different focus. Here is a brief breakdown:

This month, Anthem will hold our Wellness Fair, during which all our carers can visit a variety of “stations” such as a massage area, a chiropractor, a nutritionist, and even a biometric screening area.

Why is this important to our residents and their families? Because our Wellness Program provides ongoing healthy support for the individuals who are, in turn, providing loving care to our residents. Jackie Vick puts it beautifully.  “The contribution our carers make is about so much more than an investment in time. They grow to care deeply for and love our residents. Our Wellness Program is just one way we give back to our staff. It makes everyone stronger, healthier and more connected.”

“This is excellent!” exclaimed Anthem Memory Care resident, Tom Crow. “I would do something like this again for sure.”

Tom Crow was chatting it up about Anthem Memory Care’s inaugural Ki Aikido class, held earlier this month at Little’s Creek Park in Littleton, Colorado. Over 30 participants stretched their arms, punched the air and hollered out “Banzai!” as instructors engaged them in a variety of fun and therapeutic Ki Aikido exercises.

The class was conducted by Denver area Ki Aikido professional trainers, including Sensei, John Daniels, whose wife is a resident at Anthem’s Highline Place in Littleton. The idea to bring Ki Aikido to the Anthem community came from Jodi Cornman, Community Relations Director for Highline Place. “I am always looking for events that are exciting and encompass all of our communities,” says Jodi “Since John’s wife lives at my community, he and I have talked often about doing something for the residents at Highline Place. It was an added bonus that we could bring our 4 Denver Communities together.”

The result of their efforts is a calendar of Ki Aikido events scheduled for residents from all four of Anthem’s Colorado communities: Highline Place and Willowbrook Place in Littleton, Chelsea Place in Aurora, and Greenridge Place in Westminster.

Ki Aikido introduces freshness and variety. And that’s good for the brain.

“Alzheimer’s affects special recognition,” explains Susan Chandler, head Ki Aikido instructor. “Ki Aikido emphasizes mind-body awareness. When we do exercises, we’re helping them improve their understanding of space and movement. They’re bettering their coordination and balance.”

Studies back this up, asserting that the variety associated with unique activities helps stimulate the senses more effectively than the traditional (and repetitive) exercises that form the cornerstone of so many senior living fitness programs.

And everything is “Better Together”.

Creative activities, such as Ki Aikido, are fun for all ages! As part of their Better Together multi-generational program, Anthem worked with the Littleton YMCA to allow children, aged 10-12, to participate in the class. Better Together is a unique activity program at Anthem, built off the proven principal that multi-generational interaction is therapeutic for individuals with dementias, including Alzheimer’s.

Jodi’s colleague, Elle Fore, Life Enrichment Director at Highline Place sums it up perfectly. “My job is to bring the outside world to our residents. I don’t want them to ever be limited by stereotypes of what they should be doing.”

And, with Elle, Jodi and four Anthem communities of engaged staff, residents and family members working together, stereotypes --- well, they don’t have a chance.

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If you ask a lawyer to define what it means to “take care of” someone, you would get an answer like “to make sure that someone’s needs are met”. Makes sense. But when we speak those words lovingly to an elderly mom or dad, the phrase becomes so much more than three words. It digs deep into the fabric of our family dynamics.

And, when a loved one is diagnosed with a form of dementia, such as Alzheimer’s, and needs to be transitioned to a memory care community, it is the promise to “take care of” them, which keeps adult children awake at night.

Putting Guilt in its Place

You may remember Dr. Wayne Dyer’s 1970’s best seller, “Your Erroneous Zones”. He devoted an entire chapter to “Guilt and Worry: The Most Useless Emotions”. And, of course, it’s true. Guilt can destroy our health and our relationships; but it does little to advance positive action or help others.

Fortunately, there are things you can do to push guilt to a place where it does not dominate your life.

  1. Share your guilt: Recognize that you can’t handle this alone. It’s important to get professional help before your guilt reaches unhealthy levels. Find a licensed therapist who specializes in helping overcome guilt and the struggles associated with caregiving. Consider joining a dementia support group [link to last blog on dementia support] where others are dealing with similar issues.
  2. Put your promise into perspective: It’s important to remember that, at the time you made your promise, you could not have anticipated where future challenges would take you and your loved one. Author and elder care expert, Carol Bradley Bursack, encourages caregivers to put promises made in perspective. She writes in Agingcare.com, “Remember that caring for your parent for as long as you have, has honored the spirit of your original promise. The idea is that you have done all you can to keep your elders safe and to help them through some tough times. However, times have gotten tougher than you expected, and you must look for other options. This is okay.”
  3. Take action, gain control: Taking positive actions will not only prepare for a transition, but will put you in a position of greater control over your situation. Visit local memory care communities. Ask plenty of questions. Arm yourself with information. “Take care of” your parent by becoming his or her greatest advocate.

Keeping your promise to “take care of” your loved one.

Making the decision to move a loved one to a community where he or she will be properly looked after is a loving decision. Many caregivers report that having a parent in a memory care community has actually strengthened their relationship. The time spent together is less stressful, since they are not worrying about day to day practicalities. Instead, they are able to concentrate 100% on re-connecting with the mom or dad they love. You can too.

Anthem Memory Care welcomes you to visit our resources page for tips and articles about “taking care of” the person you love.

If you are caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s or dementia and have been asking yourself lately “What do I do now?” or “How can I do on?” you are by no means alone. You are a normal, caring person shouldering an enormous responsibility. But you can’t tackle this by yourself. Consider joining a support group. They really do help and here’s how:

  1. Give you the strength to go on.
    When you are together with others who have experienced similar situations, you make each other stronger. You may enter the group feeling that no one really understands what you are going through. But once you sit down among other caregivers you realize that they do. That, in and of itself, is worth making the effort.
     
  2. Keep you up-to-date on research and treatment breakthroughs.
    What progress is being made in Alzheimer’s and dementia care? What new techniques are being used? Has another caregiver discovered a better way to communicate? What are they doing? Sharing insight and tips will help you better care for your loved one, and for yourself.
     
  3. Provide a sounding board and some sound advice.
    There are times when you want some objective input; and you want it from someone other than a family member. It may be advice on an upcoming event, a difficult decision to be made, or any number of things. Now you have a special group of people who have made some of the same difficult decisions. They will offer good advice, as well as support.
     
  4. Get you out of the house.
    A commitment to join and attend a support group is a commitment to yourself. You will know that once each week, at a given time, you will get a badly needed break. And that’s worth its weight in gold.
     
  5. Shed a caring light on the road ahead; wherever it may lead.
    As you travel on the path before you, no one can light the way as well as a fellow caregiver. Those who have “been there” can be comforting and reassuring. And, eventually, you may return the favor.

So, what to do now? Locate a support group near you. Anthem Memory Care provides monthly dementia support groups, staffed by trained memory care experts. For more information on a support group near you, contact us. We’re here to help.

When you are providing in-home care for a mom or dad or other loved one, there comes a point when you realize that he or she needs a level and type of memory care you are no longer able to provide. You may not talk about it, but the nagging feeling doesn’t go away.

For a loved one impaired with a dementia or Alzheimer’s, putting off taking action can be harmful. For one thing, the odds increase that something may happen to your loved one, when you’re not there. But that’s not the only reason. Research is opening the doors to new and innovative techniques in memory care. The sooner your loved one can take advantage of this, the better.

But it’s easier said than done. It’s hard to be objective when it comes to our loved ones. So it’s important to get input from those who have devoted their professional lives to memory care. Here are the warning signs they recommend you look for that signal it is time to seriously consider making a move for your loved one:

Safety concerns:

Personal care limitations:

Personality changes:

Changes to your own mental and physical wellbeing:

Really, the best time to start looking into memory care is when you first get that nagging feeling that you need to. Your own instincts are the best indicator. No one is closer to the circumstances than you are. Taking some initial steps based on your instincts will give you time to sort through all the options and “get the conversation started” before conditions force you to. It isn’t easy, but it may be the most important act of love you provide for your loved one, and for yourself.

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