For those caring for a parent with dementia, having a strong support system is crucial. No one should bear the burden of caregiving alone. So, most adult children turn to siblings or other close family relatives for advice, understanding and support. And, while it may get off to a good start, as the months pass, well-intending relatives, busy with their own lives, can fall back into old patterns, leaving the adult child basically on his or her own.
If this sounds like your situation, first, take a deep breath and understand that, in most cases, this is unintentional. We’ve often found that, after encouraging sons or daughters to reconnect with family members, their hard-to-reach sister or brother will say things like “Oh I’m so sorry. I know I’ve been hard to reach. Let me help!” and other similar acts of contrition.
Here are some ways to get family members “back in your orbit” and to help you remain reconnected. You can find additional suggestions through the Alzheimer’s Association, here.
Keep in mind that it’s easy for family members to gravitate towards a “status quo” of inaction. Try to put yourself in their place. They may not know how to help or may be up to their ears in their own family issues or work challenges. Furthermore, if you are considered the “rock” of the family, they have probably made an assumption that you are able to handle everything as you have always done in the past. Now is the time to reach out and reaffirm their commitment to your family loved one. With better communication, a plan to keep them more involved and a commitment to yourself to get outside help, your relationships with your siblings and your parent will be healthier. And so will you!
Adult children of aging parents with dementia often share with us that their greatest fear is that their wandering mom or dad will walk outside their door, out into the street and either become injured, lost, or both!
It’s certainly a natural fear and, to be honest, not an unwarranted one. We regularly read about or hear on the radio accounts of missing seniors with descriptions of what they were wearing and where they were last seen. It’s scary to think of someone you love walking alone in a strange neighborhood, disoriented and vulnerable.
The good news is that there are things you and your family can do to put a margin of safety between your loved one and the world they once knew so well, but can no longer properly navigate. Here are 5 key areas where you can take actions to help prevent your loved one from potentially dangerous wandering:
Finally, recognize that the time may come when it makes sense to consider a community devoted to memory care, such as Anthem Memory Care. Anthem communities have been built from the ground up specifically to create an environment that is loving, safe, and yet not confining for those with dementia. Tour a local community and you will see how the layout is ideal for those inclined to wander.
We all know the phrase “laughter is the best medicine”. And it’s true that we all feel just a little bit calmer, happier and healthier after a good laugh. Even published studies confirm the benefits of laughter. One such study, conducted by a group of Australian researchers, set out to determine if humor could measurably improve the quality of life for 400 dementia patients. The results of the 3-year study were eye-opening: A reduction in anxiety of 20%! The lead researcher, Lee-Fay Low, further noted that the effect was the same as if these individuals had taken an antipsychotic medication.
Laughter really is the best medicine, in more ways than one.
What does research like this mean for those with loved ones who struggle with dementia? The simple answer is that laughter may really be “the best medicine”, when it comes to improving mood and reducing anxiety for those with dementia. And that’s significant, considering that anxiety is often the cause of troubling habits, such as wandering and emotional outbursts.
At Anthem Memory Care communities, we are constantly on the look out for ways to add humor into everyday activities and into the interactions we have with our residents and family members. We know that laughter helps lift the spirits and improve our wellbeing in numerous ways. And, studies indicate physiological benefits as well, including:
The Alzheimer’s Association encourages sprinkling as much laughter into the day to day life of a loved one with dementia as possible. A recent article written by the association stated that “laughing, and even gentle teasing, can reduce tension for both the caregiver and his loved one who, while cognitively impaired, is still greatly influenced by ambient tensions,” they noted.
Of course, it is important to make sure that your humor doesn’t cross any lines into behavior that could be construed as demeaning or belittling to your loved one. Make sure that your humorous observations and joking can be grasped and understood properly by your loved one. Watch carefully for his or her reaction and adjust your behavior accordingly.
And don’t forget that, as a caregiver, you could use more laughter in your life as well. Chances are your journey has already presented you and your family with plenty of difficult days as you grapple with the complex set of emotions that accompany having a loved one with dementia. Laughter is a natural and effective way to release tension. Look for opportunities to share moments of humor with family and friends. It will be time well spent.
One of the greatest concerns for those caring for a loved one with dementia is keeping them safe. And rightfully so, as even the most familiar areas and objects in a home can become serious hazards to someone who is cognitively impaired. Open doors, tile floors, bathtubs and stove tops must be re-evaluated in context of the loved one’s reasoning ability, emotional stability and cognitive acuity. And it’s not easy, especially when that loved one is your parent --- the one who kept your fingers off hot stove tops and kept you from opening doors and bolting into the street.
Now it is your turn to keep mom or dad safe. There are several things you can do to help minimize the potential for accidents and keep your loved one out of harm’s way. Here are some suggestions from The Alzheimer’s Association and from our team here at Anthem Memory Care:
(The Alzheimer’s Association provides a free safety checklist, which you can access here.)
While you will never be able to keep your parent’s home 100% free from every potential harm, you can certainly optimize their environment to be safer and more secure. With all this in mind, is also important to understand that the time may come when your parent’s well being and safety needs are better met in an environment which has been built specifically to keep them safe and comfortable. Our Anthem Memory Care communities are dedicated to providing an environment that provides freedom of movement and loving care for those with dementia, all in a safe and healthy setting. Feel free to contact us for more information.
The die-hard Bronco fans at Highline Place Memory Care in Littleton, Colorado, were at it again! And nobody seemed to care that their favorite team didn’t make it to the Super Bowl! This time, they were joined by students from Littleton High School for a tailgating party, lots of fun and food and, above all, to support a worthwhile cause; a drive to collect coats for Shiloh House, a local center for youth whose lives have been impacted by abuse, neglect and trauma. The lively event was covered in the local newspaper, The Villager, which reported a successful drive, with over 1,000 coats collected for Shiloh House.
Taking the time and making the effort to include individuals with dementia in local events, such as this one, helps provide them with a renewed sense of purpose; something they may not have enjoyed for years. Furthermore, research studies indicate that providing a sense of purpose for individuals with dementia is beneficial in many ways. It provides them with a greater sense of inclusiveness and belonging, even when the interaction is more passive than active. It also provides a sense of normal structure and order to their lives. Finally, it helps them to better engage with those around them. And when children and teens are involved, the benefits are enhanced.
At Anthem Memory Care communities, we are always looking for opportunities to get our residents and our staff out to socialize and engage with local school children and other organizations. It’s even more meaningful when these activities support a worthwhile cause. We all know that having a sense of purpose enriches our daily lives. And it’s heartening to know that this is also the case for individuals challenged by dementia. We, at Anthem Memory Care, have found that our residents get a sense of real satisfaction being part of efforts to contribute to making our greater community a better place.
If you have a loved one with dementia, be sure to make time to take them out from time to time to experience the sights and sounds of the world around them. If possible, involve them in activities that give them a sense of purpose. Doing so will improve the quality of life for your loved one as well as provide an enriching experience you both can share.
Most of us have experienced the loss of taste and smell when we have a bad head cold. Nothing smells or tastes quite right. Now, imagine your ability to remember and reason are also impaired. You might go ahead and eat rotting leftovers because they don't smell that bad, and you’d forgotten that you put them in the refrigerator weeks ago. Or, you might overbalance your diet with sweets, because sugar is the only thing you can still taste. In both cases health and safety become impaired.
How does dementia affect sense and smell?
Dementias, such as Alzheimer’s, can impair the areas of the brain that enable the sense of smell and taste and the ability of the individual to process them. When this occurs, eating and drinking can become less pleasurable. This is often the cause of unhealthy weight loss and malnutrition. If you are caring for a loved one with dementia, you will want to take extra precautions for safety, as well as find creative ways to keep them eating as healthy as possible.
Here are some tips from key sources, including The Alzheimer’s Association, Alzheimer’s Care Resource Center and our team at Anthem Memory Care.
It is important to take the time to get to know your loved one’s sensory capabilities and how dementia has impacted one or more of them. By understanding this you can develop strategies to keep them safe, minimize negative reactions and optimize positive ones. Be aware that his or her sensory capabilities may change over time. Make it a point to keep on top of your loved one’s sensory responses and adjust your approach accordingly.
Above all, don’t give up! At Anthem Memory Care communities, our creative chefs enjoy finding new ways to prepare delicious and nutritious meals for our residents that they, along with family members, can enjoy. We make the effort with each resident to determine what foods will put a smile on his or her face. With effort, patience and loving care, you can too.
The Juniors and Seniors at Regis Jesuit High School, in Aurora, Colorado, had an assignment: To spend a total of 60 hours interacting with seniors at a local memory care community. While the students admittedly initially approached the project as a “mandatory assignment”, it quickly turned into a life changing event for them and for the residents of Chelsea Place Memory Care.
The students had, what many might call a “crazy” idea: To hold their own “Olympic Games” at Chelsea Place, including races (wheel chairs included, when needed), hockey, shooting and even the luge. The students would work with the residents, explain each event and gently encourage those who wished and were able to join in the competition.
Word of these unique Olympic Games spread, catching the attention of local CBS Denver, who joined in the fun, bringing in a reporter and cameras to cover the event and interview the students and residents. What they found when they got there was a lively inter-generational mix of folks who were, not only enjoying the lively games, but were enjoying each other even more! The students, expecting to be doing all the explaining and helping, got a surprise from the seniors. “They taught me a lot of things about life and how we should live through and overcome things that are in our way to be great people in this world,” Regis Jesuit Junior, Nic Lippert, told CBS Denver. The residents were apparently keen to make the most of an opportunity to engage with the young students and teach them a few skills of their own. “We’ve taught them Pinochle and we taught them how to bake bread, and you’ve seen everything here today. They’re wonderful kids,” said resident, Jack Toslosky.
At our Anthem Memory Care communities, such as Chelsea Place, we regularly bring local students through our doors to spend quality time with residents. Inter-generational programs are an important part of optimizing the environment for those challenged by dementia, keeping them as engaged with the world around them as possible. And, in the case of the Chelsea Place Olympics, the residents weren’t the only ones who “won gold”. For the Regis Jesuit students, the experience turned out to be much more than the fulfillment of a 60-hour commitment. For student, Justin Lico, the experience was transforming. “I didn’t really come into this wanting to do this, but now maybe in the future I’m going to start doing this more. It’s not about the hours, it’s fun.”
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For most of us, a discussion about dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease, centers primarily around memory loss. That’s understandable, given the devastating impact memory loss and confusion has on those struggling with dementia and the effect upon their families.
What is often overlooked, however, are the physical manifestations of the disease in the mid to later stages. WebMD explains that the build-up of harmful amyloid plaques and clusters in the brain will initially affect those areas involved with memory. Yet, as the disease progresses, these clusters and clumps can be found in other areas of the brain, resulting in physical impairment. It is important that physical decline be recognized and treated to keep the individual as safe, comfortable and healthy for as long as possible.
This is especially important for those with dementia who are still living at home. Because, in many cases, they may not have the benefit of being cared for by a memory care professional, someone trained to detect the physical problems associated with dementia, and provide comprehensive treatment.
If you have a loved one who has been diagnosed with a dementia, such as Alzheimer’s, it is important to understand the repercussions of physical decline. The physical impairment accompanying dementias has been documented in medical journals as well as online resources, such as Alz.org and WebMd. Here are three key physical challenges arising as the disease progresses:
While it is important for family members to understand the cognitive decline of a loved one with dementia, it is equally important to attend to the accompanying physical impairments. This is where a memory care community can really help. Environments that are centered around dementia care have physicians and caregivers available 24/7 who are experienced in all aspects of dementia. And, when your loved one is challenged with dementia, such as Alzheimer’s, you deserve the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you are doing everything you possibly can to keep them comfortable, healthy and out of harm’s way.
At Anthem Memory Care communities, we constantly seek opportunities to bring school children through our doors to meet and get to know our residents. Recently, Vineyard Place Memory Care in Murrieta, California invited a group of local pre-schoolers to join their residents in creating and decorating holiday crafts. And, while the holidays are officially over, the program lives on. Why? Because bringing those with dementia together with others, especially young people, provides an opportunity to engage and socialize, something that has proven to have a positive effect, not only on the residents, but on the staff and the visitors.
It is true that, in most cases, the residents will not remember the specifics of these visit. However, that’s not necessarily the purpose. Rather, it is to provide quality “present moment” experiences for residents. As Vineyard Place’s Life Engagement Director, Cody Kohlhagen, remarked in an interview with My Valley News, which covered the event, “For our residents with Alzheimer’s dementia we try to create moments of joy. Because for some of my residents, 10 minutes after these kids leave they’re not going to remember they were here, but being able to show them that craft that they made and show them the pictures that we take of what they’re doing with these kids, will help remind them.”
Ultimately, the quality of life for those challenged by dementia is measured in moments that bring them a feeling of joy and peace. And, at Vineyard Place, the best days for residents are those which they declare as having been “good” days. As Cody Kohlhagen noted in his interview, “This feeling that they get will stay with them,” he said. “So even thought they won’t remember what they did maybe an hour ago, they’ll still say, ‘It’s a good day. I don’t really know what I’ve done today but it’s been a good day.’”
For those with loved ones struggling with dementia, those special moments you share together can have a lasting impact – for both of you! Therefore, it is important to make sure your loved one is surrounding by people who are dedicated to creating an environment that enriches the moments of their daily lives. Because, while the details of those moments may be forgotten, the feeling of joy lives on.
It’s hard to believe another year has passed, isn’t it? Have you made your list of resolutions yet? If not, maybe we can help. Last year, we put out a list of 10 meaningful New Year’s resolutions for caregivers. We’ve updated our list for 2018. Here are some great resolutions to give you a good start in the new year.
And here are 5 more of our best, taken from last year (with sources referenced)…
A fresh new year brings with it the promise of a better year. As a caregiver, you hold a very important position in your family. You deserve as much tender, loving care as you can get. Be sure, as you give so unselfishly of yourself, that you don’t forget to give to yourself!
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Caring for a mom or dad with dementia is one of the most challenging things you will ever do. Even if you have help, the wellbeing of your loved one is always on your mind. Your knowledge of how important your role is can be overwhelming at times, especially during the holidays. You become the gate-keeper for others who want to visit your parent. You are the one who will drive them to visit relatives. And you are the one who has to constantly be on the look-out for anything and everything that might trigger their anxiety or make them angry.
Stop and take a breath. Before you make one more visit or make one more plan, here are 5 things you absolutely must do for yourself (1-4 do every day):
Nothing can totally neutralize the hectic, fast paced nature of the holidays. But by doing these five things regularly, you should find yourself better able to get into a healthier rhythm with the days ahead. You’ll feel better, look better and cope better. After all, you deserve to be at your best and enjoy the holidays. Because, before you know it, we’ll be in 2018!
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What better captures the spirit of the holidays than watching children and seniors work together towards a common goal?
Bringing children together with seniors happens regularly at Highline Place Memory Care (an Anthem Memory Care community) in Littleton, Colorado. Recently, the Denver Channel’s NOW show visited Highline Place where local school children were hard at work with residents decorating (and filling!) special Christmas stockings. The stockings will go Shiloh House, a local center for youth whose lives have been impacted by abuse, neglect or trauma. (You can watch the video here.)
Jodi Cornman, Community Relations Director for Highline Memory Care was asked why Highline Place does this every year. “We just love ot bring the kids together with our residents,” said Jodi. “Decorating these stockings is so special for the people at Shiloh House. These kids really deserve to have a great Christmas and, if we can help in any way, that’s what we plan to do.”
Studies have found that the cognitive levels of all seniors, including those with dementia, can be improved when they engage in purposeful activities. In what is now considered a landmark study, Rush University Medical Center in Chicago conducted a long-term study of over 1,400 senior citizens over a 15-year period. Those who rated high on their “purpose of life” scale had a 30% lower rate of cognitive decline over those who rated lower.
At all our Anthem Memory Care communities, we encourage these kinds of activities, regularly bringing in children and teens from local schools to work together with our residents to help those in need within our broader community.
If you have a loved one with dementia, try to find opportunities to involve them in meaningful tasks, such as helping set the table, or helping to prepare a meal. You may find that working side by side will bring a greater sense of purpose and satisfaction to both of you. It may even stimulate a memory or two.
Are you planning to travel over the holidays with a mom or dad who has dementia? If so you may already be a bundle of nerves, worrying about all the things that could go wrong. How will mom handle it? What if dad becomes agitated during the flight?
Your concerns are certainly understandable. However, there are things you can do to prepare both yourself and your parent for the journey ahead that will help you navigate around high stress situations and avoid unnecessary hassles. Here are some tips:
For all travel:
When traveling by car:
When traveling by air:
The best way to plan for travel with a loved one challenged by dementia is to expect that things will not always go as planned. Try to have a “Plan B” for as many legs of your journey as possible. Then, when some things do go smoothly, you’ll be pleasantly surprised and more able to cope with the things that don’t.
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Often those caring for a loved one with dementia avoid having visitors, especially over the holidays. It is easier to keep a low profile and not have to answer probing questions and deal with the startled looks on peoples’ faces when they experience a noticeable change in the family member with dementia.
If that sounds like you, it is certainly understandable. No one can blame you for pushing back on hosting holiday gatherings. However, if you have always enjoyed having visitors, you should know that, by planning ahead, you and your loved one with dementia can still enjoy holiday festivities.
Here are three tips to make your holiday gatherings easier:
"I'm writing to let you know how things are going at our house. While we're looking forward to your visit, we thought it might be helpful if you understood our current situation before you arrive.
"You may notice that ___ has changed since you last saw him/her. Among the changes you may notice are ___.
"Please understand that ___ may not remember who you are and may confuse you with someone else. Please don't feel offended by this. He/she appreciates your being with us and so do we."
Amidst all the planning, make sure you are taking care of yourself. Consider taking a week or two for yourself to re-charge and prepare. Anthem Memory Care communities provide excellent short-term “respite care” programs that allow your loved one to experience professional, person-centered care while you take care of your personal business.
Above all, be easy on yourself. Resist the temptation to give in to others’ expectations based on parties from years past. Instead, take some time to prepare your loved one with dementia as well as family and friends. This holiday season may be different, but it can be just as enjoyable as ever.
Thanksgiving is a special time for family and close friends to gather and share laughter, give thanks and enjoy great food. For most of us, the hustle and bustle of Thanksgiving Day only adds to its enjoyment. If you are caring for a mom or dad with dementia, however, the combination of people coming and going, laughing and talking and sitting down to a big meal can have an unsettling effect.
If you are hosting Thanksgiving this year, with a little special consideration, you can help your parent optimize their Thanksgiving Day experience and make yours and everyone else’s more enjoyable as well. Here are some suggestions:
If you can make these simple adjustments to your Thanksgiving Day, you will find yourself able to provide your family and yourself with a meaningful holiday, knowing that you are doing everything possible to help your loved one feel included, safe and secure.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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